Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood
Grandma: Ashtray! You little bitch ass motherfucker! Come over here and give your grandma a hug!
Ashtray's Mother: Tray, I don't want you hangin' out in the streets. I want you to finish school, 'cause without an education the only kind of work you're gonna get is sellin' drugs, pimpin' women, or workin' security for Eddie Murphy.
Dashiki: Now kids, what do we say to a man that Mommy just met?
Kids: Are you my daddy?
[during job interview]
Recruiter: Well, I see your hobbies include "drinkin', smokin' weed, and all kinds of ill shit."
Ashtray's cellmate: If you hit a man, in time his wounds will heal. If you steal from a man, you can replace what you've stolen. But always cross in the green, never in between. Because the honorable Elijah Muhammed Ali floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. And always remember my brother, one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish, knick knack, paddy whack, give a dog a bone, two thousand, zero, zero, party, oops! Out of time, my bacon smellin' fine.
Loc Dog: How much for this candy bar?
Korean Woman: Das five dala!
Loc Dog: Five dollars? Damn! I better get some sucky-sucky with that!
Loc Dog: Everyone in the hood been up in her! She got more kids than Mrs. Wayans!
Ashtray: So, will I see you again?
Ashtray's Mother: Sorry, baby: you know there ain't no positive black females in these movies.
[while filling out job application]
Loc Dog: Name: Loc Dog, baby. Height: Six-deuce! Age: 19. Father's name: mmm... I dunno. Sex: hell yeah, nigga! Salary desired: 3 million dollars! Cash!
Preach: I'm just tryin' to do to white girls what the white man's been doin' to us for 400 years.
Crazy Legs: Yeah, what's that?
Preach: Fuck 'em.
Loc Dog: Well, I can see how a pretty little woman like yourself can make a man a little sick- I mean, nervous!
Mailman: Message!
Loc Dog: "The Dog" don't bite... unless ya ask.
[His friend died because he smoke a powerful joint]
Loc Dog: Yo, pass that shit!
Mailman: Messsssssaaaaage!
Ashtray: We didn't even do nothing.
Officer Self Hatred: What? You think you tough?
[pulls gun on Ashtray]
Officer Self Hatred: You ain't so tough now, little nigga. I hate your black bastards, you *stink*! I hate your black skin. I hate your black pants. I hate black pepper. I hate black keys on a piano. I hate my gums, because they're black. I hate Whoopi Goldberg's *lips*. I hate the back of Forrest Whittaker's neck. Huh? Most of all, I hate that black-ass Wesley Snipes.
[smoking a blunt]
Grandma: [shouts] Damn! This is some good shit.
[after Ashtray hits her]
Grandma: You still hit like a bitch, motherfucker.
Loc Dog: Either they don't know, don't show, or don't care about being a menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood. That's what it's all about. That's what it's all about.
Mailman: The fuck is he talking 'bout?
Driving Instructor: Hello. I'm Mr. Walker, your driving instructor. Fasten your seat belt, check your mirrors, let's begin.
[Ashtray driving]
Driving Instructor: Make a right, right here.
[a few moments later... ]
Driving Instructor: Make another left right here.
[a few moments later, in front of bank]
Driving Instructor: Park right here.
[Ashtray stops]
Driving Instructor: Wait here.
[Ashtray waits, gunshots heard in bank, alarm sounding, Mr. Walker runs back to car, points gun at Ashtray]
Driving Instructor: Drive, motherfucker! Drive!
[car takes off]
Ashtray: Oooh, girl, you so tight!
Dashiki: Wrong hole, fool!
Ashtray: Loc Dog was America's worst nightmare, raised in a house with three generations of hopelessness, poverty... and profanity.
Loc Dog's Mom: Loc Dogg, turn that loud ass mothafuckin music down, you wakin up the fuckin babies, mothafucka. This still my mothafuckin house, mothafucka...
Loc Dog's Mom: Who tha fuck is that on my porch?
Dashiki: My name is Dashiki. That's Swahili for "doggy-style."
Al Dog: Five dollaz bustur!
Preacher: And that's what God expects from His sheep, here at the Greater Ebenezer New Revival Tree of Life Institutional Double Rock on the Side of the Road to Jericho Missionary Baptist Church of Zion! And I said Mount Cavalry! Huh! Y'all gonna help me!
Korean Woman: [Ashtray is looking at something while the racist Korean woman nervously dusts wine bottles] Hurry up and buy.
Dashiki: [Ashtray and Dashiki are having foreplay on the kitchen floor. Ashtray gets a hot dog out of the fridge and starts rubbing it on Dashiki's face. She sees what it is and takes it from him] Huh uh, fool. That's the baby's lunch.
Doo Rag: What's up with them hoes tonight?
Ashtray: Hey, Preach, what up nigga?
Preach: Y'all need to stop using the word nigga. You see, it's terms like the word nigga that the white man uses to take away the self esteem of another race.
Ashtray: Word.
Preach: Oh yeah, remind me to pick my laundry up from that chink motherfucker up the street.
Dashiki: [while having sex] Ooh, Talk dirty to me...
Ashtray: [Within the first minute of their session]
[Grunting]
Ashtray: I-Im Cumming!
[makes wierd grunts then finally falls over]
Dashiki: What did you just say?
Ashtray: uhh... I'll talk about it after my nap
[nods off in sleep]
Ashtray: [Drunk Party Girl downs whole bottle of alcohol] Damn girl you need to slow down.
Drunk Party Girl: You ain't my daddy... You ain't payin' none of my bills... Mind ya business... Ooh, this my song
[falls and faints to the ground]
Drunk Party Girl: .
Mrs. Johnson: Ain't that some shit!
